Know Yourself

I have a set "about me" list that I use to populate every internet based section of that name. I wrote it several years ago and recently I have begun to realize that it might not be as accurate as it once was. Even things about myself that I would have thought too ingrained to change are not as apparent as they once were. I have begun to think that I need to review this list and see if these are things I am okay with letting go, if they are better gone, or if I should start working to make them a vital part of me again.
This is the list:
I am an admitted bibliophile. - Still true, though even my books are suffering. I need something like 6 more bookcases to make it right. I need a trip to Ikea big time.
I wear my heart on my sleeve. - Still true.
My first crushes were both characters, not people. - Can't really change, lol.
I am a dork. - I am definitely still a dork, though I have been neglecting that this year. No gaming, no conventions. Sad.
I am a singer. - I haven't sung much of anything in years, at least not in public. And even at home it is rare for me to sing at all. Seth hates that I don't, but I have lost a lot of my confidence, as well as the higher part of my range. I have found myself wanting to sing again. I am considering trying to get into a music minor as I move on in school, but the idea of auditioning scares the shit out of me. I guess we shall see.
I can not read music.- nope, can't read music, in spite of being in choirs since I was 6 and taking voice lessons for something like 6 years.
I can not play but am madly in love with the accordion. - I will probably never play the accordion and that doesn't make me love it any less.
I am a writer. - Other than school, not so much. Even the blog is suffering. This is definitely something I want to work on. I used to be a poet and I don't think it applies anymore. I went to a poetry reading the other day for class, and made a last minute decision to read, but I had to pull an ancient poem off the internet, because I have nothing new.
I am a wife, which is odd since I never thought I would get married. - Sometimes I feel like I am a horrible wife. With school and work I know I am not an active at home as I should be. Seth does more than his fair share of the housework, and I hate that. I don't think he holds it against me, but it has to be a little disappointing to him.
I come from a close family. - Still true to an extent, certainly with my mother and sister, but my aunts and cousins seem to be moving away. I miss them, but I don't knowhow to fix these divides. And my cousin, who used to be really close to me, won't even bring her daughter to my house. I think it is mostly because of my religion, but I don't really understand and it hurts. I would never try to "convert" Kynadey. I just wish she would talk to me about it, instead of keeping her daughter away from me.
I am a pet mother. - Zoe and Samhain are love to me. As I type this Zoe is sleeping tucked beside me. I wish I could spend more time with them. In fact I wish I could be at home most of the time, but I have to work. :(
I am a witch. - I am a witch, that doesn't change, but my approach does. I am a firm believer in making your practice your own, and many things have been changing for me in my practice. I am finding a god that  few years ago would have barely been a thought, but now is becoming a focus. Now I am finding a way to make him fit in my very eclectic practice.
I am a negative optimist.- I tend to be very positive and peppy, but internally I am always second guessing and naysaying myself. It's something I am working on.
I am uncomfortably honest most of the time, but only about myself. - I love being something of an open book. I don't give people more information than they want, but if I am asked a question I will answer. Unless it is about someone else. I only tell my own truths.
I lie when necessary. - That being said I understand that sometimes the truth is not necessarily the best option. I am not afraid to lie when it makes the most sense.
I smile A LOT - Still true, though I don't think it is as much as I used to. I think my frustrations with my job are carrying over into my life in the worst possible ways.
I believe. - This is wavering in me, and it makes me really sad. I have always been the most open of believers. I was a fairy tale reading, santa claus loving, fairy chasing believer, but years of working and living in the real world have added to me a seriously cynical streak. I find it harder and harder to find that amazing part of myself, and I miss her. Was I a shameless escapist? Yes. Did I mind one bit really? Nope, and I miss being able to so easily find that escape. I don't necessarily want to go deep back into myself like I used to be, but I would like to regain my wide eyed sense of wonder. I think this is something I would really like to get back.
I am slightly crazy, but in a good way. - This will always be true. It is what it is. :)
I have an active dream life. - I used to have the most vivid and crazy dreams, almost every night, and I would wake up in the morning remembering every bit. it just doesn't seem to happen anymore, or at least not nearly as often. And in the waking world, my dreams, are getting so logical it makes me a little sad. I think it is time for me to make a dream board, and start looking outside the box again, and start looking for new dreams.
I like to roller skate. - I still like to roller skate, in fact I love to roller skate, I just never do it. Roller rinks tend to be full of children, who are lovely but so easy to trip or trip over. Paths have there own issues because there are rocks, sticks and bikes to contend with. I need to find a good skating place.
I am learning to bellydance and I love it. - I stopped taking classes just before our wedding to save money and I haven't started classes again yet. Part of this is because I am looking for a new teacher; I adore Chandara, she is an amazing teacher and a fabulous dancer, but she does not teach the style of dance that I really want to learn, which is tribal. I have found a group that does, and have gone to watch them perform several times, so as soon as a new beginner class opens I will hopefully be starting classes with them. I miss dancing.
I laugh really, really loud. - Will probably never change. I get hushed a lot.
I am International Wenches Guild Member #2648. - Once a wench always a wench, but our faire location is an anti wench zone, so if I want to play like a wench should I have to leave the state. That is not always possible. This is beyond my control, but it still sucks in general.
I am stronger than I look. - I am. In so many ways.
I break easily. - Sadly, also true, in so many ways.
I am eclectic. - I cannot imagine this will ever change. I am just all over the board all the time. I like that about me. I can get along with and converse with ANYONE.
I am surprisingly outdoorsy. - I am a total city girl, but I love to be out. I love to hike. I love to garden. I just love the outdoors.
I produce a lot of what I am learning is very good art, and I have fun doing it. - I have always had a hard time calling myself an artist. But I am getting there.
I a m addicted to Craftster.-  My crazy schedule is making my craftster time suffer, but I hope to get back in soon.
I am a pretty good driver. - Yep.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I am getting ideas. - I have a pretty good idea of where I am headed now. I want to be a college english professor. I would love to get my phd. I want to edit books. This is what I want. And I am working on it.
I am unfortunately shy at the most inopportune moments. - Still true, I find it hard to approach people I admire.
I can say things to you in writing that I will never say aloud. - So true. I am my most honest when I write, which can be both good and bad.
I am working very hard to become the mistress of my own existence - Yes I am.

I guess I have some things to work on, and some decisions to make. But I think I know where I am headed.


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