From the Mind of AlphaBetsy

I have been fighting a massive battle inside my mind, and I feel the need to get some of this out. This is for me to purge, and is for anyone who may be having the same issues I am. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time then you would know that I have been working really hard to get into better shape, and to take off weight. I have lost and kept off fifty pounds. I am certainly proud of that. I have also gotten to the point where I can walk a 5k like it is nothing. I can do a full zumba class and come out the other side just a little winded. I have come a really long way. But then I started to read the body positive movement posts and the healthy at every size movement. And I started to feel unnecessarily ashamed of my efforts and my desire to change my body. I started to feel guilty that I can't just love my body, and I have such a drive to lose weight. The guilt made me shame eat which led to me gaining weight, which made me feel worse, and cu...

Graduation from level one ATS with Sacred Shimmy Belly Dance My new tattoo, Muninn. Huginn is still to come.   Workshop with Paulette Rees-Denis! Hell City Tattoo Festival A taxidermy bat head in a necklace. Bought from a jewelry vendor at hell city. I call him Bertram. My sister, Traci and the amazing Enigma.   Ashville Viking Festival! My husband the viking. Me as a wench showing off my new sheep skin. The gorgeous Abernathy dances while showing off Dark's Valkyrie Helmet. Odin's Orchids She belly dances as a viking long boat   The fabulous Amani Dancer showing off her skills.   More beautiful belly dance Laylia dancer. One of my favorites in the world. Me in my viking garb, borrowing Seth's helmet for a minute.   Beautiful henna'ed tambourine I won in the Ashville silent auction. Me at the zoo on mother's day. Can you see my stegosaurus spiral plugs?  ...

Loss is a strange thing. This week the world lost quite suddenly a wonderful man, with whom I was acquainted. He was the original Viking from the Lost Vikings, a reenactment group I have been a member of for many years. He was the one who administered my test to become a pinned Ren Geek for being a member of the board alt.fairs.renaissance. He blew the horn for my husband when he joined the horde. He was an ever-present character at the Ashville Viking Festival and the Ohio Renaissance Festival. Eddval was an impressive and welcoming figure.   I mourn his loss in the strangest way. We were not close friends, but he was someone I had always hoped to get closer to. There just always seemed to be a reason that we could not go to events, or that we would not be around. But I always thought there was time, and now that the time has worn out I am mourning having let the opportunity pass me by. I wish I had been this mans friend. I wish I had asked him more questions. I wish I had t...