High Anxiety

There are days, weeks, months where nothing seems to go as planned. Those times when even simple things seem complex and impossible. At those times in my life I become silent in social media and on my blog because I feel like all I will do is complain, but I think in reality I am selling myself short. Maybe by sharing my crazy and how I am making it through I can help someone else make it through. Or not, but at least I will feel like I am getting everything out.

I suffer from anxiety disorder and I am prone to panic attacks. I am completely un-medicated. This is more or less a personal choice. I hated the medications the doctor put me on. One made me feel off, and the warnings associated with it were harrowing. The other did help with the anxiety attacks, because it knocked me out cold within 5 minutes of taking it; technically it was incredibly effective if insanely impractical for regular use.

I also have problems with picking, which is absolutely a form of self-mutilation. I will dig at even the smallest bump on my skin. This is not healthy. My husband knows, and will try to stop me, but it is not just a compulsion it is also a shared compulsion as both my mother and sister also have this problem. I should probably seek the help of a psychiatrist/ psychologist, but I have an irrational fear of being told I am crazy or being institutionalized. I am also aware that this is truly an irrational fear; almost no one is institutionalized these days. This awareness  believe is what truly makes the fear irrational.

The thing is, that I truly need help. I have tried to get my anxiety under control myself, but more often than not it rules me with an iron fist. I tried cutting back on/ cutting out caffeine, but it didn't seem to have much effect other than I had a bad headache and felt really sleepy. I am still on a reduced caffeine regimen, but I still have anxiety attacks. And for those who may have never experienced an anxiety attack it can be honestly terrifying, so not having them is always better. 

My longest panic attack lasted a full week and fell around Christmas. This holiday is particularly fraught with issues for me, so the fact that I had one then is truly not shocking. The problem was that because of the holidays I had problems getting in to see a doctor, and in fact didn't until a week or so later when I had already leveled out naturally. By that time they just suggested medication, but to me that is just not getting to the heart of the issue. Why do I have them to begin with?

Lately it has become more and more clear to me that I really need to see someone regarding this. And not just my family doctor. Can anyone else relate to this? How are you dealing with it? Therapy? Medication? Does it get better?

I am going to work on seeking out help, and getting myself under control, hopefully without throwing medication at the issue. I will report back, because this is cathartic. :) More soon.



Wulf said…
One way to approach this would be to seek out a therapist who is NOT a medical doctor, and therefore has no ability to prescribe medications or have you committed to a mental institution,real or imaginary. You may want to look for someone who calls themselves a "personal counselor", as "therapist" may be reserved for psychologists and psychiatrists. I would choose one that uses both talk therapy and Bach Flower homeopathic remedies, as they can be very effective in exactly the sort of conditions you're suffering from.

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