From the Mind of AlphaBetsy

On Memorial Day, we had just finished a little cookout just my husband and I, when I went to shut the porch door ahead of our cat slipped on a slick spot on our porch and fell. During the fall I heard something in my left knee pop, and knew I was probably not coming out of this unscathed. I went to the doctor the next day and found out that I had sprained my knee, just a tear in my MCL. I have been given a massive brace and advised to RICE (Rest, Ice, Compress, Elevate). In my convalescence I have learned that I am really shitty at resting. I just don't sit and do nothing well. It sounds like a dream, but when you are being forced to sit all you can think of is the active things you could be doing. Like I bought myself a hoop for dancing for $5 at a garage sale. I am so ready to go hiking. I want to roller skate in a bad way. My little sister got me a complete zumba kit from her store. So much to do, so cannot do it. In spite of my temporary infirmity I have actually been reall...

I have been fighting a massive battle inside my mind, and I feel the need to get some of this out. This is for me to purge, and is for anyone who may be having the same issues I am. If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time then you would know that I have been working really hard to get into better shape, and to take off weight. I have lost and kept off fifty pounds. I am certainly proud of that. I have also gotten to the point where I can walk a 5k like it is nothing. I can do a full zumba class and come out the other side just a little winded. I have come a really long way. But then I started to read the body positive movement posts and the healthy at every size movement. And I started to feel unnecessarily ashamed of my efforts and my desire to change my body. I started to feel guilty that I can't just love my body, and I have such a drive to lose weight. The guilt made me shame eat which led to me gaining weight, which made me feel worse, and cu...

Graduation from level one ATS with Sacred Shimmy Belly Dance My new tattoo, Muninn. Huginn is still to come.   Workshop with Paulette Rees-Denis! Hell City Tattoo Festival A taxidermy bat head in a necklace. Bought from a jewelry vendor at hell city. I call him Bertram. My sister, Traci and the amazing Enigma.   Ashville Viking Festival! My husband the viking. Me as a wench showing off my new sheep skin. The gorgeous Abernathy dances while showing off Dark's Valkyrie Helmet. Odin's Orchids She belly dances as a viking long boat   The fabulous Amani Dancer showing off her skills.   More beautiful belly dance Laylia dancer. One of my favorites in the world. Me in my viking garb, borrowing Seth's helmet for a minute.   Beautiful henna'ed tambourine I won in the Ashville silent auction. Me at the zoo on mother's day. Can you see my stegosaurus spiral plugs?  ...

Loss is a strange thing. This week the world lost quite suddenly a wonderful man, with whom I was acquainted. He was the original Viking from the Lost Vikings, a reenactment group I have been a member of for many years. He was the one who administered my test to become a pinned Ren Geek for being a member of the board alt.fairs.renaissance. He blew the horn for my husband when he joined the horde. He was an ever-present character at the Ashville Viking Festival and the Ohio Renaissance Festival. Eddval was an impressive and welcoming figure.   I mourn his loss in the strangest way. We were not close friends, but he was someone I had always hoped to get closer to. There just always seemed to be a reason that we could not go to events, or that we would not be around. But I always thought there was time, and now that the time has worn out I am mourning having let the opportunity pass me by. I wish I had been this mans friend. I wish I had asked him more questions. I wish I had t...

I have had a nintendo wii for several years now. We bought it when it first came out because it was fun to play at parties and with family. The poor wii has sat dormant for over a year because we just haven't been using it. For Christmas this year, though, my mom and sister bought me a wii fit. And now the wii is coming back to life.   A couple of weeks ago I picked up zumba fitness core for the wii. I have never had so much fun   playing a game. I love zumba anyway, and this is a fabulous way to have the fun of zumba in your living room. I am looking forward to the free zumba in the park again this year, but until then this game will tide me over.   I plan to buy a couple more of the zumba games because they are extremely fun.   I also got wii fit plus. And it is fun, but I had this horrible moment when my mii got really fat after I weighed myself for the set up. Ouch. Amusingly my wii fit age is 32 which is my exact age. Apparently, other than b...

  My first big change of the year happened last Saturday. I went to see my favorite stylist Adam at Lucky 13 Rock and Roll Hair Salon. He cut off over 10 inches of my hair which is being donated to wigs for kids. That initial cut was a little startling, but I love my new hairstyle. It is so much lighter.   Friday is my birthday, and my mother and sister are taking me to Ikea for the first time. Saturday Seth's parents are taking the two of us to the melting pot, and the Saturday night we are going out to eat and bowling with my family.   It's going to be a great week. 

I am in a time of metanoia. I am working on changing my heart, mind, self and way of life. I am trying to learn to love myself, to learn to appreciate my body and to be thankful for everything my body does for me. I am working on looking at my body for all it's strengths and not just all the flaws. I am evaluating how I treat myself physically and mentally. I know it is time for me to change, and while it is hard for me I am committed to making it happen.   Some of the changes will be easy, or at least easier. Always when I am craving change the first thing to be effected is my hair. I was at first reluctant to take out any of the length, but I am reconsidering. I have a tendency to hide behind my hair, and it may be time to take that away for a while. I am thinking I may want to do an asymmetrical bob. I have been flirting with it since before the wedding, and I think it is time to jump. I am thinking this could happen as soon as next week.   I am also planni...