Birthdays for the Mothers and Happy Ren Faire thoughts and information

This weekend was full of celebrations for the birth of Seth's mom, Sarah. She turned 50 this year and her family surprised her with a big party with lots of friends and family in attendance. Then yesterday we went to Huntington Park to a Columbus Clippers baseball game. We got the ticket's through Pepsi, which is where Seth's dad works. They got us in, gave us shirts and gave us vouchers for food, so we didn't have to pay for anything. Super cool Pepsi!! Of course it was crazy hot and we ended up leaving after 6 innings, but it was still really fun. 

My mom's birthday is Thursday. I am going to go to her house after work on Friday for dinner, to hang out for a bit and to give her birthday gift to her. I am really excited about what I got her, but since she occasionally reads my blog I am not going to post what I got her just in case. We are going to do the real celebrating for her birthday Labor Day weekend. We are all going to the zoo and then coming back to the house to eat and watch movies. 

And why are we putting off her birthday celebration? Because this weekend we are going to the Michigan Renaissance Festival !!! We found out that we are going Highland Fling weekend, so they will be having Highland Heavy Games, a Celtic village and kilts, lots of kilts. Mmmm...I love me some kilts. We also found out that with the donation of 4 non-perishable food items we can get one free ticket with the purchase of another. That is a really really nice discount, plus doing something nice for the community. And to make it just the most amazing weekend they just announced that there will be a Wench Walk on Saturday. I didn't think there was a chance of one so early in the season, so I am sooooo excited. 

So, What's a Wench Walk you may be asking. Well I have touched on that previously but very basically, so for the next couple of days I am going to go into a little more detail on the International Wenches Guild, who we are and what we do. I found the guild the year I was a cast member at the Ohio Renaissance Festival. One of my cast mates who was a rogue, told me he thought I would be an amazing wench. I looked them up online and decided that it was definitely an organization I wanted to be a part of. Here is the descriptions and such found on the site where you can become a wench. Enjoy...

The Wenches Guild is a loose (not necessarily literally) yet powerful confederation of women like you who all share the same universal beliefs that in a more politically correct time would be considered almost sexist, yet at a Renaissance Festival, are quite accepted and almost encouraged. If you join the Wenches Guild, not only will you be part of a growing sisterhood devoted to torturing men in the nicest of ways, but you will receive the official Wench Guild pin, The Little Brown Book (the guild guide book filled with amusing facts, ideas, rules, recipes & songs), a License to Wench (suitable for framing), a Membership Card noting your Guild rank and a small stack of Guild Free Kiss Cards to share with those who deserve your attentions. If you walk the Walk and talk the Talk, then join the Guild that says it's okay to be bawdy and rock out, Sister!
  1. Do men require an "adjustment" after kissing you?
  2. Is your tongue registered as a precision surgical instrument?
  3. Have you been accused of smuggling melons across state lines?
  4. Do you really know what a sponge is for?
  5. Was "Soak a Bloke" considered your time off?
  6. Do you think it's wise to use ice cubes and menthol together?
  7. Is whipped cream more than just a dessert topping?
  8. Do men lose the power of speech when you adjust your bodice or breath deeply?
  9. Are you vertically challenged but horizontally gifted?
  10. Do you like to play with your food?
  11. When removing your bra on Monday, do you find enough loose change to buy breakfast?
If you answered any 3 of the questions above with an "ohh yeah," then you are obviously a woman of distinction, a product of excellent breeding, possessed of stunning (if not vaguely dubious) talents and appetites and clearly belong in the International Wenches Guild.
For instance, A True Wench should...
  1. remember that all men are created surplus.
  2. be able to procure alcohol or funds at any given moment.
  3. never suffer from an empty cup or have to pay for it.
  4. be proficient enough in neck biting so as to disable at least one (1) whole side of a man's body.
  5. maintain a repetoire of at least three (3) Dirty Ballads with which to sing for her supper.
  6. be willing and able to prove the authenticity of her hair color anytime, anywhere.
  7. when walking, have the flexibility, when wearing a studded hip belt, to put out an eye.
  8. realize that, when lacing a bodice, if she can still breathe, it's not tight enough.
  9. be known to and easily recognized by every Rose Girl and Alekeep on a Faire site.
  10. be able to interrupt a scripted scene simply by the way she eats or breaths.
  11. maintain at least the illusion that she can "raise the dead," metaphorically speaking.
  12. be able to cause mustache growth on a 10-year-old Boy Scout with a "wubby."
  13. know how to polish a sword so as to keep resulting patron drool from pitting the steel.
  14. strive to create an interesting pattern in her bodice tan without undue stinging or particular indignity.
  15. have no problem changing her wardrobe in a busy parking lot.
  16. master the technique of removing the whipped cream from a rose without damaging the petals.
  17. know all the right animal noises.
LOL... How can you not want to be a part of all that fun. More tomorrow. 


AH- reminds me of my favorite bumper sticker on my late car :" I love men in kilts with long swords"
I am certainly wench material. Mae West is my hero.- "It's not the men in your life, it's the life in your men"
AlphaBetsy said…
You should definitely be a wench K!! Come to the darkside... we have cookies.
J.Moehring said…
OOooo, this sounds amazing! I need to look into this around where I live!! I can't wait to read more!!

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